Becoming a mother was not easy. Nine months, I had to be pregnant. At Tuesday, I looked a white, funny, beautiful, and smooth baby – she was mine. My tears fell down when I saw her at first time. She was my Chinese daughter. I promised to my self to bring her up so well. Everyone had to be a proud of and envy with her talent next time.
America was the right place to bring up my daughter, making her a good musician. I did not want to look her like me, a foolish person who had nothing, having no any talent. It was so terrible for all of years of my life. I could not forget my childhood, crying in front of the stage every Easter and Christmas when all people looked at me. I was frantic when they ridiculed. I did not want my daughter having the bad childhood memory like me.
******
“Amy Tan”, I called her. “Have you learnt ‘The Guide to Pianist’?”
“Later, Mom”, she answered without looked at me.
“Amy Tan! I ask you to learn it and play your piano, now! Mr. Old Chang will come 15 minutes again. You must be ready.”
She stood up and walked to living room, where the piano was there. Actually, I hoped she was conscious thus I would not force her again not to be lazy in practicing. I just wanted to look her becoming a talented-person. All people had to look her like a rose in the desert, just paying attention with her not for others.
Amy Tan, I hoped you know what in your mother mind. I very loved you, my daughter. I was sure; you could be a successful person if you always heard my words. You had to be an obedient daughter. Next week was the first time for her to show her talent in front of many people in the church hall. Amy Tan, I was waiting this moment for along time, seeing you in the stage. I hoped you gave the best of yours.
*****
She did her performance.
I felt proud of her performance, but I did not want to show my feeling. It was to make her not to be conceited. There were many thorns outside; she had to pass this condition for making her stronger. My face was quiet and blank. I was like an actress, showing the different characters of mine, pretended to be another person. I hoped you know my reasons, my lovely daughter.
“Amy Tan! Turn off the television”, I said to her. “It is four clock, now!”
I did not hear her answer. I washed my hands, then seeing her. She did not move, she was watching the television. I walked to reach her and stood up in front of television. I was angry now.
“Mom, I do not want to play piano again!”, she said.
“What? I ask you to play the piano, now!”
“Mom, could you give me my freedom to choose what I want? Let me do what I want, follow my mind, not you!
I was very angry; this place was very hot, like a fire burned my body and soul. I pulled her off the floor and she cried.
“Amy Tan! Only two kinds of daughters”, I said. Then, I took a deep breath and continue again, “Those who are obedient and those who follow their own mind! Only one kind of daughter can live in this house. Obedient daughter!”
“Then, I wish I was not your daughter!”
I slapped her spontaneous. She cried and was angry, then went to her bedroom. My tears fell down, I did not know why I do that. Amy Tan, I did not want to do this. I hoped you know that I loved you, I hoped you could hear my heart, especially, hearing the reasons! I did not know that my deed hurt you and made you oppressed. I was sorry, Amy Tan. I just wanted you looked like a rose or more than it, looking like a diamond, not only in my eyes but theirs. I was sorry, Amy Tan. Now, took your freedom. Your lovely mother would not disturb you again.
******
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